Sparking A Kindness Revolution

Choosing Connection Over Conflict in a Divided World

Last week, I found myself spending an inordinate amount of time reflecting on something that feels increasingly rare in today’s world: kindness. It’s not that it doesn’t exist or people are no longer capable of it, but in moments of heightened tension, like this year’s contentious election, kindness is consistently the first casualty. Now, when I say kindness, I’m talking about the quiet, deliberate choice to make time to value someone else’s humanity when it feels easier, maybe even justified, to write them off.

Per usual, I created a video with my less polished reaction if you’re curious. In it, I talked through some of my recent experiences choosing kindness in the thick of a particularly volatile season. For context, I received a sea of messages after posting what I thought was an innocent post about kindness. They ranged from harsh criticism to outright vitriol. However, I made the difficult but intentional decision to lean in with patience, understanding, and, yes, kindness by inviting each one to share a virtual coffee to get to know each other better. Now, if you think that came naturally, it didn’t. However, what happened was both surprising and encouraging.

The conversations that unfolded were not always smooth, but they were meaningful. They reminded me of something I’ve seen time and again: when we take the time to listen, like really listen, we find that even those who seem diametrically opposed to us are grappling with challenges we can completely understand if not even agree with. The conversations also reaffirmed my belief that kindness isn’t a soft skill; it’s a revolutionary one.

Since sharing that video, I’ve had more time to reflect on my interactions. They’ve stayed with me, challenging me to think deeper about what it means to show up authentically, even when it’s risky. While there’s probably an entire novel in it, I’ve landed on four key takeaways everyone should consider as they navigate the challenging and often divisive situations of today.

Top Takeaways

“You don’t have to agree with someone to show kindness. It’s about valuing the person, not agreeing with their position.”

Kindness has become oddly controversial in our polarized world. Show kindness and you’ll quickly find yourself labeled weak or lacking conviction. Unfortunately, we’ve lost sight of the true meaning of kindness. It’s not about bending to someone’s point of view or abandoning your beliefs. It’s about treating everyone with respect and dignity, even when you fundamentally disagree with them.

I didn’t invite people to a virtual coffee to change their minds or have my mind changed. My goal was simple. I wanted to respectfully seek to understand the person behind the message. However, by doing so I discovered something surprising. Their hostility had little to do with our perceived disagreement. It almost always was rooted in an underlying fear, frustration, or pain. Kindness didn’t require me to adjust my beliefs to align with theirs but simply listen and care enough to understand their experience.

I held my ground where it mattered, but I did so without losing sight of the individual. And, by stripping away the need to “win,” I made space for something far more meaningful: a human connection.

“People aren’t simple. When we treat them like they are, we miss the chance to discover something wonderful.”

People are wonderfully messy. No one is ever defined by a single attribute. It might tell part of their story, but even that is often incomplete. Each of us is a unique mosaic of experiences and beliefs that defy any label, no matter how big. Unfortunately, we tend to avoid complexity, so try to cluster people based on our limited knowledge of them. This is extremely problematic because we often end up judging someone before taking the time to fully understand them.

When I engaged with my critics, I made a conscious effort to push past any assumptions I had about their motivations. I refused to approach them as a label and instead sought to understand them as an individual. What I discovered was enormous amounts of complexity. Not a single person could be reduced to a caricature that may have presented through their messages. Their humanity was always there, waiting to be explored.

Remember, no two people are exactly alike, not even the ones with similar attributes. That’s why it’s essential to approach every person with curiosity and humility, understanding that we’re all more than any label we wear.

“Kindness is a decision, but it’s more than that. It’s a skill you have to intentionally build, one decision at a time.”

Kindness isn’t our default response, so you won’t stumble into it by accident. It’s also not just something you “are” or “aren’t.” It’s a suite of skills you build before the heat of conflict and choose to apply when conflict hits. It has dimensions that require attention and growth, which need to be developed over time. You might need to work at pausing to check your assumptions, taking a breath before reacting or actively seeking to understand someone’s perspective.

Leaning into the tense conversations over the past week wasn’t my first time navigating emotionally charged situations. It’s taken years of practice and discipline as well as many, MANY failures and apologies. I didn’t choose not to respond in kind to negativity, lean into uncomfortable conversations, and actively listen as a spontaneous reaction. It’s been a lifetime of countless experiences that have shaped how I show up, and yet, I still have a long way to go.

It’s also worth noting that kindness is really hard. It’s never the easy path. However, I’ve found that as you develop it, your capacity to extend it expands, even to situations where it feels impossible.

“Silence isn’t kindness. When you stay silent, you miss the chance to model kindness, challenge bad behavior, and build real connection.”

When conflict shows up, we have a natural tendency to steer clear of it. We might even convince ourselves that avoiding conflict is the kinder thing to do. However, silence isn’t kindness, it’s avoidance. And often, it validates bad behavior. Saying nothing unintentionally signals that someone’s harmful behavior or hurtful words are acceptable. Your attempt to remain “neutral” results in missing an opportunity to make the situation and others better by modeling it’s possible to be kind, even in difficult situations.

You’re also missing the opportunity to build relationships. Some of the strongest relationships I have today started in moments of tension. Almost universally, when I’ve been willing to engage kindly, even when the situation is heated, it has broken down walls and created unexpected points of deep, meaningful connection. None of that would have happened if I opted for avoidance by staying silent. While silence may temporarily sidestep discomfort, it’s rarely worth it.

Speaking up isn’t always easy, but it’s how we show up, not just for others but for the kind of world we want to create.

Concluding Thoughts

Now, you might have read this far and be quietly scoffing because of all the times your best efforts seemed to go nowhere. I’ve had plenty myself. But here’s something to consider. You will never fully know the impact you’re having. The seeds of kindness you plant today might not take root immediately. It might take weeks, years, or even decades. However, the ripple effect of your kindness will reach further than you realize.

It’s also worth clarifying that I’m not advocating you need to engage every time or with every person. There are moments when it’s wise to step back, especially when the situation or person becomes toxic or harmful. There also comes a point where people have shown who they really are, and it’s best if they’re not in your life. However, before you decide to walk away, I’d encourage you to first give kindness a shot. Initiate the conversation. Challenge the assumption, both theirs and your own, that kindness can’t work. You might be surprised what unfolds.

The world doesn’t need more conflict or hatred. We have enough of that already. What we need more than ever is people willing to step up and break the cycle. So, let’s start a revolution of kindness. Let’s agree to make a conscious choice when faced with conflict to lean in when it’s easier to look away, to prioritize humanity over winning.

If enough of us make that choice, we can spark a revolution of kindness, one that not only pushes back against the negativity in the world but transforms it into something better.