I've had nine children (biologically) and raised an extra four alongside them and I also never ever imagined that this was how my life would look. My youngest is six now, my oldest is 29. The best thing for me has been to see my children marrying young and welcoming children despite the hardships (if you can call them that) of growing up in a house with many children. That they have seen the choices we've made and not outright rejected them makes me feel like I did okay, haha.
What an awesome reflection. Thanks for sharing Micklyn, and it’s encouraging to think about my kids growing up and seeing what they go on to do as adults.
I raised two daughters and my wife and I had our kids very young by choice. We both saw ourselves as parents and even though we were young and clueless and didn’t have much money I’ve never regretted our decision. That said my only advice to any couple considering children is to make sure they want to be parents because it’s a lifetime commitment. Having or not having children is a highly personal decision. I have great respect for people who make that choice if that’s the right decision for them.
All advanced economies have the same graying population problem we have. Many other countries are in the same position. This means there are fewer people in the next generation to fight over diminishing resources. If we want to increase the number of children in the US the solution is simple, open up our immigration system to the large number of young people who would love to escape poverty and persecution in their own countries. Unfortunately, our politics are too toxic to have an informed discussion of how this would help our country and the economy.
Like you said, it’s a very personal decision when is why the “you shoulds” aren’t helpful. However, it’s good to make sure you’re making the decision with all the details.
I was around people at the end of their lives a lot, and I never ran into anyone who wished they didn’t have kids or less of them. If anything, it was the opposite.
It’s a challenge for sure, but a rewarding one. My wife and I were talking tonight about how wonderfully exhausted we are. It’s a weird paradox.
I know this message is predominantly intended for 1st world nations. But here in mine most blame government economic policies and corruption for slow decline of marriage.
I think there’s definitely different challenges in different countries. I didn’t necessarily write for a specific nation state, but it sounds like there’s some pretty similar challenges.
I took a lot of heat for the article from people from around the world and politics, economic uncertainty, and tech disrupting seem to have a lot of people spooked to have kids.
Looking at the global birth rates, it seems to be a pretty consistent trend.
Tragically, we’re at a point now that by the time we could even reverse it the damage has been done.
Within the more conservative folks, particularly muslim majority, however, there are few such sentiment, while yes, the emphasis of "readiness" (for marriage) exists.
Well, within some of the more liberal, urban part of Indonesian online ecosystem, child free sentiment, openly or otherwise, exists. Within my family, no such sentiment, as far as I have observed.
Thank you for writing this - wonderful reflection on fatherhood. My wife and I think about this tension often. As WFH entrepreneurs, our kids are definitely SUPER in the middle of what we are doing, sometimes way too much. But we have chosen that intentionally because we want to keep first things first.
I’ve grown immensely as a person through becoming a father. I’ve grown in ways I couldn’t have without being a father. And even though it’s very challenging, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m so grateful for what my two boys have taught me.
Love that attitude Jeremy. I’m in the thick of it too. I WFH, my wife made being a mom her FT gig when we started having kids, I left my corporate gig recently to build my own thing, and have eight little ones under 14.
It’s a lot and on paper the math doesn’t make sense, but it’s truly been such an incredible gift. While I get it’s not the path for everyone, I would just hate for people to miss out on it because of the “what ifs.”
This is one of the most grounded, generous, and needed reflections on fatherhood I’ve read in a long time. Thank you for saying the quiet things out loud — especially the parts that challenge the prevailing cultural scripts around kids, sacrifice, and the myth of “readiness.”
As an older father, I found myself nodding, pausing, and revisiting moments from my own journey while reading this. The line that hit hardest was: “Parenthood isn’t the end of your story; it might be the beginning of what matters most.” That’s not just a poetic thought — it’s an experienced truth. One I’ve had to learn slowly and sometimes painfully.
I’ve written about this tension in my own piece, Paradox of Fatherhood (https://beyondplatitudes.substack.com/p/paradox-of-fatherhood) — how the responsibility of raising a child doesn’t shrink who you are, it stretches you into someone capable of carrying more than you thought possible. But it only happens if you’re willing to loosen your grip on self as the center of the story.
Your words are a steady, unpretentious call to reframe the conversation around legacy, contribution, and the kind of meaning that can’t be captured in a highlight reel. The future really doesn’t build itself — and your voice is a vital one in reminding us how to build it well.
Grateful to walk this stretch of the road with you.
Really appreciate the encouraging words Matt. I always appreciate hearing from folks who are further along in the journey adding to the conversation.
I get why it’s scary on the front end. I was terrified on the front end. Some of those scary moments still exist, but with time becomes less overwhelming.
There are so many individual factors you can point to, and different nations and cultures definitely tilt those factors higher or lower down the list...
But the one thing that the ones that are losing kids all intersect is an extreme imbalance caused by the devaluation of our children and elevation of self.
The narcissism and shortsighted absorption into "now, me" is causing direct slaughtering of kids through abortion, decay of balanced healthy marriages, and decades of stagnation in some key areas of medical research for our infants that is hurting fertility and unborn survival.
Fixing the "me" culture is an extremely important first step to turning this around.
There are lots of poor couples pumping out 4 and 5 kids despite those, while many wealthy families abstain from more than 1 or 2.
The culture creates these lifestyles. Statistics are showing the prevalence of it all when you start bringing all the variables together.
Abortion deaths alone represent around 70 million people in the USA, and the largest single participating demographic is people in their 30s, mostly unmarried and childless, not panicked teenagers, that is a huge lens into the culture.
Housing, jobs, etc are all extremely helpful for raising kids WELL, but they are not the cause, or the fix.
Well I have to assume that you have the data and had researched it, especially from countries other than the USA with a more extensive welfare state system, or in the terminology of many Indonesians "the presence of the state in society (for good)"
You inspire me to be a Dad someday, hopefully in the next 2-3 years. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Appreciate that man. Means a lot.
I've had nine children (biologically) and raised an extra four alongside them and I also never ever imagined that this was how my life would look. My youngest is six now, my oldest is 29. The best thing for me has been to see my children marrying young and welcoming children despite the hardships (if you can call them that) of growing up in a house with many children. That they have seen the choices we've made and not outright rejected them makes me feel like I did okay, haha.
What an awesome reflection. Thanks for sharing Micklyn, and it’s encouraging to think about my kids growing up and seeing what they go on to do as adults.
I’m in the toddler world right now and raising three! Thanks for the reminder that with time they become some of the closest relationships you have.
Enjoy the season Morgan. We’ve got several in the toddler stage and while it’s exhausting at times, they grow up quick.
I raised two daughters and my wife and I had our kids very young by choice. We both saw ourselves as parents and even though we were young and clueless and didn’t have much money I’ve never regretted our decision. That said my only advice to any couple considering children is to make sure they want to be parents because it’s a lifetime commitment. Having or not having children is a highly personal decision. I have great respect for people who make that choice if that’s the right decision for them.
All advanced economies have the same graying population problem we have. Many other countries are in the same position. This means there are fewer people in the next generation to fight over diminishing resources. If we want to increase the number of children in the US the solution is simple, open up our immigration system to the large number of young people who would love to escape poverty and persecution in their own countries. Unfortunately, our politics are too toxic to have an informed discussion of how this would help our country and the economy.
Like you said, it’s a very personal decision when is why the “you shoulds” aren’t helpful. However, it’s good to make sure you’re making the decision with all the details.
I was around people at the end of their lives a lot, and I never ran into anyone who wished they didn’t have kids or less of them. If anything, it was the opposite.
It’s a challenge for sure, but a rewarding one. My wife and I were talking tonight about how wonderfully exhausted we are. It’s a weird paradox.
I know this message is predominantly intended for 1st world nations. But here in mine most blame government economic policies and corruption for slow decline of marriage.
I think there’s definitely different challenges in different countries. I didn’t necessarily write for a specific nation state, but it sounds like there’s some pretty similar challenges.
I took a lot of heat for the article from people from around the world and politics, economic uncertainty, and tech disrupting seem to have a lot of people spooked to have kids.
Looking at the global birth rates, it seems to be a pretty consistent trend.
Tragically, we’re at a point now that by the time we could even reverse it the damage has been done.
As remember, I come from a "Third World"
Yeah, it is interesting hearing how different economic and cultural experienced affect things.
Do you find people around you have a positive or negative feeling about kids and family?
Within the more conservative folks, particularly muslim majority, however, there are few such sentiment, while yes, the emphasis of "readiness" (for marriage) exists.
Well, within some of the more liberal, urban part of Indonesian online ecosystem, child free sentiment, openly or otherwise, exists. Within my family, no such sentiment, as far as I have observed.
Thank you for writing this - wonderful reflection on fatherhood. My wife and I think about this tension often. As WFH entrepreneurs, our kids are definitely SUPER in the middle of what we are doing, sometimes way too much. But we have chosen that intentionally because we want to keep first things first.
I’ve grown immensely as a person through becoming a father. I’ve grown in ways I couldn’t have without being a father. And even though it’s very challenging, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m so grateful for what my two boys have taught me.
Love that attitude Jeremy. I’m in the thick of it too. I WFH, my wife made being a mom her FT gig when we started having kids, I left my corporate gig recently to build my own thing, and have eight little ones under 14.
It’s a lot and on paper the math doesn’t make sense, but it’s truly been such an incredible gift. While I get it’s not the path for everyone, I would just hate for people to miss out on it because of the “what ifs.”
100%
Christopher,
This is one of the most grounded, generous, and needed reflections on fatherhood I’ve read in a long time. Thank you for saying the quiet things out loud — especially the parts that challenge the prevailing cultural scripts around kids, sacrifice, and the myth of “readiness.”
As an older father, I found myself nodding, pausing, and revisiting moments from my own journey while reading this. The line that hit hardest was: “Parenthood isn’t the end of your story; it might be the beginning of what matters most.” That’s not just a poetic thought — it’s an experienced truth. One I’ve had to learn slowly and sometimes painfully.
I’ve written about this tension in my own piece, Paradox of Fatherhood (https://beyondplatitudes.substack.com/p/paradox-of-fatherhood) — how the responsibility of raising a child doesn’t shrink who you are, it stretches you into someone capable of carrying more than you thought possible. But it only happens if you’re willing to loosen your grip on self as the center of the story.
Your words are a steady, unpretentious call to reframe the conversation around legacy, contribution, and the kind of meaning that can’t be captured in a highlight reel. The future really doesn’t build itself — and your voice is a vital one in reminding us how to build it well.
Grateful to walk this stretch of the road with you.
—Matt
Really appreciate the encouraging words Matt. I always appreciate hearing from folks who are further along in the journey adding to the conversation.
I get why it’s scary on the front end. I was terrified on the front end. Some of those scary moments still exist, but with time becomes less overwhelming.
Beautiful perspective and powerful quotes brother. Agreed on all
There are so many individual factors you can point to, and different nations and cultures definitely tilt those factors higher or lower down the list...
But the one thing that the ones that are losing kids all intersect is an extreme imbalance caused by the devaluation of our children and elevation of self.
The narcissism and shortsighted absorption into "now, me" is causing direct slaughtering of kids through abortion, decay of balanced healthy marriages, and decades of stagnation in some key areas of medical research for our infants that is hurting fertility and unborn survival.
Fixing the "me" culture is an extremely important first step to turning this around.
In other words even affordable housing alone is not enough - or job opportunities ?
There are lots of poor couples pumping out 4 and 5 kids despite those, while many wealthy families abstain from more than 1 or 2.
The culture creates these lifestyles. Statistics are showing the prevalence of it all when you start bringing all the variables together.
Abortion deaths alone represent around 70 million people in the USA, and the largest single participating demographic is people in their 30s, mostly unmarried and childless, not panicked teenagers, that is a huge lens into the culture.
Housing, jobs, etc are all extremely helpful for raising kids WELL, but they are not the cause, or the fix.
Well I have to assume that you have the data and had researched it, especially from countries other than the USA with a more extensive welfare state system, or in the terminology of many Indonesians "the presence of the state in society (for good)"
It's clear enough to me that you're interested in the facts and data you know, and little else. The assumptions are clear enough.
No need to continue the discussion. Have a nice day.